Mini Reviews: November 2010 (Kanye, Cee-Lo, Cudi)

Doesn't surprise me...at all.


I wanted to cover some of the big releases this month, so here's some mini-reviews. Read em' and leave me hate comments, and maybe I'll hum on yo dick. :3

Kanye West- My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Believe me...Kanye knows he's an asshole.

"Let's have a toast for all the douche bags..."

He knows it, and the thing that has made me grow to love Kanye West is that HE DON'T GIVE A MOTHAFUCK. There's nothing better than a man that's all talk and actually lives up to it. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is easily the biggest statement a man like Kanye can make (yes, even bigger than saying he's the voice of this generation) because it shows that he's so fucking talented he can eat diamonds and shit gold encrusted diamonds.

Everything about Twisted Fantasy screams amazing, from the rediculous guest spots (Elton John, Rick Ross, Kid Cudi, Chris Rock, and mo) that actually work amazingly well, to the fantastic song structure and production values, all the way to the brutally interesting album cover, this album is what mainstream Hip-Hop should be. Kanye's rhymes are clever, thought provoking, honest, and vicious, he brings it on EVERY song. I think I knew this album would be genius about 30 seconds into the opening track when I heard a choir rise into the song and ask "Can we get much higher?" in a glorious roar not unlike the one Kanye's penis must make when he has an orgasm inside a woman's anus, vagina, and mouth, all at once.

I really can't explain how interesting the feel for this album is (let's try eh?), it's a grandiose monster, full of lush beat structures, pianos, orchestral instruments, horns, Bon Iver wailing in auto-tune glory...but at the same time it's full of songs that could easily be radio hits, even though I bet the amount of fuck, pussy, and dicks on each song will probably make it harder to butcher than Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" (more on that later). Monster, All Of The Lights, Hell of A Life, all tracks that I wish I would hear on the pop radio stations, because they teach what the fuck is wrong with mainstream pop and hip-hop today.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is definitely a window into just how egotistical and talented Kanye West is. There's no denying that this is one of the best albums this year, but if you do deny it, Kanye West doesn't give a shit. That's just how that nigga rolls.
ALBUM RATING: 9.7/10

TYNAN'S SECOND OPINION:
If you would have come to me a month ago and told me that the new Kanye West album would be the best album released this year I would have called you a fool. Why? Because Kanye is obviously a giant douche, or at least that's what I'm told. To tell you the truth I've never listened to much of Kanye's music before, but never really went out of my way to do so because of how he's portrayed in the media. Why would I want to give this dick any of my time or money? Now I feel like the giant dick. I now love Kanye West, almost as much as Kanye West loves Kanye West. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is everything a mainstream hip-hop album should be. Catchy beats, great rhymes, amazing sampling, an abundance of well-placed guest stars, it's all there and done extremely well. Kanye is in a tier of his own when it comes to mainstream hip-hop and this album is a definite classic. -Tynan Evans
Rating: 9.5/10


Cee-Lo Green - The Lady Killer

Did you like Gnarls Barkley? Good. Did you think that was the lead singers name? Then really, go eat a poop, because I'm the king of smartassery, and I say so.

Either way, Cee-Lo Green is the voice behind Gnarls Barkley, and he definitely brought the defining factor to Danger Mouse's lovely production. When it was announced that the duo would part ways, many pondered weather or not Cee-Lo would fare well on his own. The good news is that he definitely has, the bad news is that you're definitely gonna be annoyed if you download The Lady Killer thinking it will be like St.Elsewhere.

The Lady Killer is an album that definitely is a homage to the soul-R&B-funk-pop from The Temptations, Al Greene, The Four Tops, Marvin Gaye and the like, and while it may not be classic music like the aformentioned, it's definitely refreshing to see the sound not die but resurface thanks to Cee-Lo Green. I was really expecting an album that, besides, Fuck You, would be forgettable, and while some songs aren't truly big hits, they all have their own taste and talent in them. This album is light, fun, and definitely not for everyone, but if you appreciate that old school sound, this is a great refresher....my only complaint is that Cee-Lo opted for the less interesting mix of "No One's Gonna Love You" (A sweet Band of Horses cover, either way).

The Lady Killer is a nice sound off to the music industry that Cee-Lo Green can separate and flourish, all while bringing the nostalgia ten-fold.
ALBUM RATING: 8.4/10

Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon Two: The Legend Of Mr.Rager

Can you blame Kid Cudi if he didn't put out another smash hit album like his debut? The truth is that while I want to sooooo bad, I just can't, because this album is great in different ways.

MOTM2 is definitely a grower, that's straight up talk. First time I heard it, I thought that it was a bloated mess, one with far too few listenable songs, and far too many emotionally distressed whining from our Cudder buddy. That criticism applies still, just in a less harsh dosage. MOTM2 clocks in at over an hour, with 17 songs, and more than half of these being nothing like the jamming fun of "Make Her Say" or "Enter Galactic". The songs on MOTM2 resemble more of a somber, dreamy, and dark mood heard in "Solo Dolo" or "My World". Also, Cudi definitely shows his bigger interest in singing compared to the rhyming, as a good portion of the album is spent with him singing slowly in a "Pursuit of Happiness" style.

So, with all that against it, what in my shit eating mind makes me like this album?

Plenty. First, while the mood is darker and more dreamy, it very what the kids call "chill", and while I hate thinking of music in this way, it's definitely a great album to get stoned to. Relaxation is something the Cudder executes well, without needing Ratatat after all. Some songs are skippable, others are absolutely engrossing, like the wailingly cool "Don't Play This Song" featuring surprisingly lovely vocals from Mary J. Blige, or the beautiful beat structure and rolling badassery from Cudi on "Mojo So Dope". The big sore thumb on the album "Erase Me" is the biggest grower for me, going from a total piece of shitty shit shit to a mildly enjoyable track. Cudi bringing back the 80's on the chorus and the moody girl-chasing lyrics somehow works on a level that scares me, because I like it.

Man On The Moon 2 feels like when you walk around in a head cold (or stoned LOL 420 every day, BLAZE IT!), you're in a fog, everything feels weighty, but you don't really give a shit, because you're drowsy and dizzy. This album works on a different level compared to old Kid Cudi, it isn't easily listenable, it's meant for fans of hip-hop, music, and Cudi's way of doing things.

Man On The Moon 2: The Legend Of Mr.Rager is definitely an album that will leave people more split than Ke$ha's legs on any given night of the week...either way it seems I'm a fan of the new album...after many listens and a new found pleasure for relaxingly cool "stoner" music. Fuuuuuuck, just typing the word stoner makes my penis invert a little bit.
ALBUM RATING: 8.2/10

Strange, three albums from 3 interconnected artists in one month: Cee-Lo is on Cudi's new album, who is on Kanye's new album, who is also on Cudi's new album. It's like the six degrees of nigga bacon up in this trick! (relax, I'm black, I can say that) So, dislike my reviews? Think I'm a fuck-tard? Want nude pics? Leave comments plz!
-Matt Galey

Just Like Vinyl Review

About a year ago we all witnessed the fall of The Fall of Troy. Their album In The Unlikely Event was a huge disappointment to many long-time fans and months after the album was released the band broke up. At the time I was pretty sad. The Fall of Troy was one of the bands that really helped me broaden my horizons from shitty metal into post-hardcore and their first 3 albums are still some of my favorites. But I didn't really see the band recovering from ITUE, so it was probably the best thing for them to do. A few months ago I discovered that guitarist/vocalist Thomas Erak was already in the process of forming a new band, Just Like Vinyl. I was excited to hear what Thom had in store with his new band, but tweets from him explaining the bands' sound as "explosive guitar wild rock" left me very skeptical. Now that I've heard Just Like Vinyl's debut LP I can say that it is definitely better than The Fall of Troy's last album, but it still leaves much to be desired.

The first thing you will notice on this album is that Thom has pretty much kept the same sound that was introduced on In The Unlikely Event, but it is much more polished this time around. We'll start with Thom's obvious weak point, his vocals. Ever since Manipulator Thom has been really working on trying to be a more competent vocalist, but has usually ended up getting worse in the process. The vocals are pretty good for his standards, but are still hit and miss. The second track Cardiac Harassment opens up with the most laughable singing on the entire album, but tracks like Death of The Sheep and Kite showcase him at the top of his game. The track Epiphany also features prominent vocals from guitarist Jake Carden in which he and Erak trade off and harmonize in a classic pop-punk manner. Most of the vocals are singing, but the occasional screams are always well-placed. The Circulatory System starts as one of the poppiest songs on the album, but then explodes with a heavy riff and screaming midway through and perfectly transition back into a pop song. And the break in Kite where all the members scream after one another is one of the best moment on the entire album.

Now, what Thomas Erak is most well knows for, the guitars. Erak has really learned how to control his guitar playing and manages to not noodle much at all on the album. Instead of his spazzy playing that made him famous we are presented with a more straightforward rock style of playing with a bit of Erak edge. No Friend of Mine is a definite highlight with it's interesting lead riff in the beginning and impressive guitar solos during the bridge. Death of The Sheep also has some of the more impressive guitars with great harmonizing lead lines being played throughout the song and another great guitar solo to top it off. The rhythm section takse a back seat to the guitar and vocals most of the time, but are far from boring. The drummer Jay Beaman's beats are nothing too fancy, but he throws in enough fills to keep it interesting and bassist Henry Batts has some great lines that really shine in the poppier sections of songs like The Circulatory System and Kite. The instrumentation overall is wonderful and I expect nothing less from Erak.

So as you can see I don't have much of a problem with the music on this album. It is executed well and is fun to listen to, but my problem with the album isn't really what's on the album. It's what's not on it. Yeah, Erak corrected his large misstep with In The Unlikely Event, but there isn't really anything new on this album. The lack of experimentation really keeps it from being more than a pretty good album. It's exactly what I would expect from Erak and I mean that in a bad way.

The lack of experimentation isn't excusable, but it is understandable. Erak had been in a band with the same 2 guys since high school, so playing without them can be seen as experimentation in itself. Hopefully once Erak gets more settled in with his new band they can make a truly great album, because I know they are capable of it. This album signifies hope for fans of The Fall of Troy and Thomas Erak. In The Unlikely Event crushed our hopes, but Just Like Vinyl brings a tiny glimmer of it back.

Rating: 7.6/10

One last thing. What's up with this picture? Seriously, Thom looks like fucking Alex from a clockwork orange. This look needs to go.

-Tynan Evans

Meet Paul!

Hello and greetings, fellow 'netters!* My name is Paul "Sex Champ" Fuckgod, and I am here to introduce myself to all two of you who read this blog regularly. First off, thanks for reading! I was almost positive blogging was dead, but I assure you, the blog industry is booming! It is multi-trillion dollar market thanks to handsome readers like you. Second, you're probably wondering how I came upon such a prestigious position. Well I walked into the corporate offices of It's A Pizza Party International, and demanded to speak to their CEO. After some heavy paperwork and quite a few tug-jobs, I was in! Those silly bureaucratic horndogs are so easy to manipulate.

(PROTIP: Get a blog while there are still openings, 'netters! The internet is filling up fast!)

Well that about sums up how I came to be here, dudes and dudettes. Much love to Matt and Tynan, as well as our good pals from Throne Gone Down to inspire me to write for this blog, as opposed to a school newspaper. I will most likely be doing game and pizza reviews, possibly an occasional album review if I'm feeling foolhardy. I look forward to being hate-fucked by the internet community, as well as by you, the reader!

Stay steezy, y'all. --Paul

*('netter is short for internetter, or user of the internet, for those of you not up-to-date with the slang of the world wide web)

Hardware Review: WESC Bagpipe Headphones

I was on the hunt recently for a new pair of headphones, perferably something that had a pretty good price, but had a nice output of sound, not to mention a hint of style, so I did my research and ended up decided on finding the best WESC headphones I could. I know what you're thinking, "WESC is a clothing brand! FART FART FART" or "THEY SELL THOSE AT THE MALL IN CLOTHING STORES! PEE PEE PEE" but I went ahead with it anyway, and ended up getting the $150 Bag Pipes, and disappointed I am not!

It took less than a few days to get them shipped to me from the wonderful turntable lab and they arrived in a stylish package, which is besides the point, y'all probably (don't really) wanna know how they sound!

In a word, splendid.

My most experience with "good" headphones were various types of (horrid) skullcandy's, most notably the Skullcrusher's, which have a built in subwoofer that turns your favorite songs into piles of bassy shit that are impossible to hear, so luckily these Bag Pipes don't do that. My $150 bought me a lovely amount of bass, that's just enough to let those dubstep songs feel...dubsteppy, but not too much to turn my favorite Kinks songs into...dubstep. The biggest compliment I can make is that these bad boys cancel sound like a motherfucker. It's caused me to be highly paranoid when I listen to music, people just "sneak" up on my ass when my favorite Coheed songs are blasting my ears. That's because I can't fucking hear a thing besides the crisp, clean, and ear-filling noise of whatever I'm hearing at the time.

The functionality of the headphones are great, with there being plenty of twisting, turning, and folding these babies can do that make them feel like your old transformer action figures...just more sturdy. I definitely get the impression that you could use these to do some DJ'ing, or just easy listening. They are like buying a great flatscreen...just in a sexy silver instead of plain black! They look absolutely badass, I love the color scheme, the modern look, and the wicked sweet curly chord, it's just great! I love these things, and I'd definitely recommend you go find a pair!

Pros: Stylish, sounds clean, crisp, and sexy as fuck. Functionality is great, and doesn't hurt they make me horny?

Cons: Too sexy? Oh and I could have used a nice adjustable switch for the amount of bass to clarity found on other WESC headphones. Oh well...they still make me a horny bastard. :)

Here's the specs for those of you who understand them.
- Type: 57mm PRO drivers, (DJ quality)
- 1khz Sensitivity: 119 dB
- Impedance: 60 ohms
- Frequence Range: 20-20 001 Hz, (great amount of bass)
- Plug: Gold-plated 3.5 Stereo (fits in your iPod, comes with adapter for DJ equipment)

Hardware Rating:
9.1 / 10
---Matt

Powerglove - Saturday Morning Apocalypse Review

Ever been playing some classic NES and just thought "THIS COULD USE SOME FUCKING METAL!?!?" Chances are that you haven't. Wonder why you never thought of that? It's because you are stupid. In 2005 a few metalheads with a passion for classic video games were genius enough to start making their favorite 8-bit theme songs into power metal epics. Their first full-length, Metal Kombat For The Mortal Man, came out in 2007 and featured songs from Mario, Sonic, Mortal Kombat and many others. Since then the band has been rapidly gaining popularity and have toured with quite a few bands including Psychostick, Arsis, and even Dragonforce. But even with the success of Powerglove's first album, you had to wonder how long they could keep it up. I mean, there are only so many classic video game songs that would translate well into metal covers, and luckily Powerglove realized that. On "Saturday Morning Apocalypse," Powerglove have moved from covering songs from video games they loved as children to TV shows and Movies. But don't worry fans, you will still get the same kind of nostalgic feel from these epic covers.

To no surprise, Powerglove's music centers around the memorable melodies created by the theme songs they are covering. The melodies are always played beautifully with harmonized guitar leads and are usually backed by a chugging lower riff and some double bass heavy drumming. Many of the songs also have impressive solos and interesting bridges. All of these elements are nothing new to the metal genre, but Powerglove manages to execute them insanely well with songs that they shouldn't work with. Though these metal cliches are somewhat necessary to make these covers work, it does make for a lot of repetition. Powerglove still try their best to branch out from their core sound whenever appropriate and in turn there is a fair amount of experimentation on each track to make them unique. "This Is Halloween" and "Batman" make good use of string and choral samples to give the songs a much darker, apocalyptic feel. "Transformers" utilizes synthesizers to give it more of the futuristic sound you would associate with the show. "The Simpsons" even features vocals that make it standout from the rest of the instrumental tracks.

Saturday Morning Apocalypse is a wonderful sophomore album that really proves that Powerglove is a talented metal band with a knack for making childhood songs fucking metal. I would definitely recommend this to any metal fan and non-metal fans should still be able to enjoy it for the novelty of the concept. Let's just hope Powerglove can keep impressing us and not run out of fun songs to cover.

Rating: 8.5/10

-Tynan Evans (mrstuprigge)

Check out one of my favorite tracks from the album below!