Friday, November 26, 2010

The Walking Dead: a TV Thriller! (pun-tastic!)

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So, by now you must've heard about the new show on the wonderful AMC, The Walking Dead. If you're not watching yet, lemme tell you, this show is definitely a sweet upgrade from the shit that is on most regular (ish?) cable. The Walking Dead is another addition to the amazing line-up of other original shows on AMC, right next to Mad Men and Breaking Bad, and next to those two giant hits The Walking Dead rounds out the need for something with a bit more of a fast paced tinge and action edge, but to say it is any less fantastic than the other two is impossible to say. Frankly, I've been enjoying the motherfuck out this show, and I kinda feel the need to tell the world about it (THANK GOD FOR BLOGS RIGHT? Usually I just write in my diary, and that doesn't have sweet image embedding and being able to make things italic!)

The Story:
(skip if you're bored by reading shit that shouldn't be in paragraph form)
At its core, The Walking Dead is somewhat old school as far as Zombie stories goes. The show (yes, I know it's a comic, fuck off) starts by introducing our lead character, Rick Grimes, who's name shouldn't keep you from liking him as the hero, like it did when I read the comics, anyway, Rick is the sheriff for a small town in Georgia, where he lives with his son and wife. Before the show even really begins Rick is already on the rocks with his wife, and things aren't going well.

Rick gets shot in a kickass shoot-off with some redneck hoodlums (oxymoron?)and heads to the emergency room in a pretty dire state. He wakes up in what looks more like a war zone than a deserted hospital, which is full of rotting corpses, some dead, and some less than dead. If it sounds slightly like 28 Days Later, it kinda is, but hey, it doesn't feel like it in the show.

On the flip side, Rick's family and police buddy are together with other strangers in a camp just outside of Atlanta, and they are definitely not waiting up on rick, because they think his dead. Too add a bit more drama to the situation, the reason his wife and kid think Rick's dead is because his cop pal told them so, AND he's been fucking the Miss on the side. (OH NO HE DIH-ENT!)

Basically the show runs from there, and even after he finds his family, the drama continues as himself, family, and fellow survivors are surrounded at their thought-to-be-socluded camp by flesh hungry Zombros.

Oh and as a side note, the Zombies in this show are definitely Romero style, they aren't different than your regular zombies, they shuffle (and run), they smell you, they hear you, aren't coordinated, and want to rip into you, they infect you by bites, and you die eventually and rise again. Simple stuff, which is great to me.

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Why I love it:
The Zombies are Dumb- Like I mentioned above, the zombies in this show are simply simple. They walk and run, but they aren't any different than your Night Of the Living Dead zombies. I think it was after Resident Evil 4 (the game) when people suddenly thought our Zombies need to be different to stay interesting to us, suddenly Left 4 Dead revived zombies, but now we had ones that spat green shit and had tongues that could strangle you. What I love is that these are straight zombies, stupid pack animals that will bite and that's it. It keeps the show better grounded and lends less interest on the zombies, and more on our characters...which leads me to my next favorite thing about this TV gem:

The Characters are well done- Our hero Rick, his family, his hateable-yet-relateable best friend, and the assorted camper-survivors are all great characters, they're simple, but in the depth of the situation they are all different and interesting. Our fine characters are believable, they all start out as normal people, and the way they lost everyone they love is different. What are characters without good actors to potray them? Shit, that's what. The Walking Dead has fantastic actors, with everyone playing their parts with finesse, prowess, and other fine adjectives.

Superb Production Values- The Walking Dead has a budget, and a good one at that. A show can't be about the end of civilization and the world as we know it without having a good budget, and be convincing. Everything about the show screams that somebody put some love into making this shit. The first episode really showcases the amazing effects and care for realism in the show when Rick walks up to a zombie that is missing her lower half, her entrails are slowly dragging behind her as she creeps towards our curious hero, it's grippingly real, and disgusting. Atlanta looks great in ruins, and I definitely get the feeling that it's a pain in the ass for the producers to get those empty street shots. To top it all off there's great filming, cinematography, color work, and clarity to the great gore...and about that gore...

The Lack of Mercy on the Viewers-
The Walking Dead pulls no punches. That's known in the first 4 minutes of the show when in a precurser to the violence and zombie outbreak ahead, Rick is forced to shoot a little girl in the head after she tries to take a bite out of him, and if you think this happens off screen, you're fucking wrong, we see this little girl fall back, with blood shooting from the back of her head, and it's gorgeous. I love this show for it's lack of mercy violence wise, there's buckets of gore...per episode. Headshots with gooey explosions of the head, crossbow arrows taking out eyes, ax chopping, all of it looks great, and brings a weight to the action on screen.

It's all around fucking great-
The Walking Dead is simply my new favorite TV series on right now, it's very different that what we are used to on cable television. The characters are full of depth, but are also believable, and they themselves hold their own when the gore stops and the need for character development begins. Their storylines are still being fleshed (get it?) out, but they are still interesting and I can't wait to see them develop. The action is great and believable, and definitely stays as one of the biggest draws for the show. To top it all of, this is a gorgeous piece of work, with amazing make-up, effects, gore, and filming, I can't get enough week to week.

So, if you're bored on a Sunday night at either 8:00, 9:00, or 11:00 PM, fucking watch the new Walking Dead episode, you won't be disappointed. Really, it'll be flesh-ripping and roaring good time! (that's a good one huh?) FARTS.

-Matt Galey

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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Mini Reviews: November 2010 (Kanye, Cee-Lo, Cudi)

Doesn't surprise all.

I wanted to cover some of the big releases this month, so here's some mini-reviews. Read em' and leave me hate comments, and maybe I'll hum on yo dick. :3

Kanye West- My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Believe me...Kanye knows he's an asshole.

"Let's have a toast for all the douche bags..."

He knows it, and the thing that has made me grow to love Kanye West is that HE DON'T GIVE A MOTHAFUCK. There's nothing better than a man that's all talk and actually lives up to it. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is easily the biggest statement a man like Kanye can make (yes, even bigger than saying he's the voice of this generation) because it shows that he's so fucking talented he can eat diamonds and shit gold encrusted diamonds.

Everything about Twisted Fantasy screams amazing, from the rediculous guest spots (Elton John, Rick Ross, Kid Cudi, Chris Rock, and mo) that actually work amazingly well, to the fantastic song structure and production values, all the way to the brutally interesting album cover, this album is what mainstream Hip-Hop should be. Kanye's rhymes are clever, thought provoking, honest, and vicious, he brings it on EVERY song. I think I knew this album would be genius about 30 seconds into the opening track when I heard a choir rise into the song and ask "Can we get much higher?" in a glorious roar not unlike the one Kanye's penis must make when he has an orgasm inside a woman's anus, vagina, and mouth, all at once.

I really can't explain how interesting the feel for this album is (let's try eh?), it's a grandiose monster, full of lush beat structures, pianos, orchestral instruments, horns, Bon Iver wailing in auto-tune glory...but at the same time it's full of songs that could easily be radio hits, even though I bet the amount of fuck, pussy, and dicks on each song will probably make it harder to butcher than Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" (more on that later). Monster, All Of The Lights, Hell of A Life, all tracks that I wish I would hear on the pop radio stations, because they teach what the fuck is wrong with mainstream pop and hip-hop today.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is definitely a window into just how egotistical and talented Kanye West is. There's no denying that this is one of the best albums this year, but if you do deny it, Kanye West doesn't give a shit. That's just how that nigga rolls.


If you would have come to me a month ago and told me that the new Kanye West album would be the best album released this year I would have called you a fool. Why? Because Kanye is obviously a giant douche, or at least that's what I'm told. To tell you the truth I've never listened to much of Kanye's music before, but never really went out of my way to do so because of how he's portrayed in the media. Why would I want to give this dick any of my time or money? Now I feel like the giant dick. I now love Kanye West, almost as much as Kanye West loves Kanye West. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is everything a mainstream hip-hop album should be. Catchy beats, great rhymes, amazing sampling, an abundance of well-placed guest stars, it's all there and done extremely well. Kanye is in a tier of his own when it comes to mainstream hip-hop and this album is a definite classic. -Tynan Evans
Rating: 9.5/10

Cee-Lo Green - The Lady Killer

Did you like Gnarls Barkley? Good. Did you think that was the lead singers name? Then really, go eat a poop, because I'm the king of smartassery, and I say so.

Either way, Cee-Lo Green is the voice behind Gnarls Barkley, and he definitely brought the defining factor to Danger Mouse's lovely production. When it was announced that the duo would part ways, many pondered weather or not Cee-Lo would fare well on his own. The good news is that he definitely has, the bad news is that you're definitely gonna be annoyed if you download The Lady Killer thinking it will be like St.Elsewhere.

The Lady Killer is an album that definitely is a homage to the soul-R&B-funk-pop from The Temptations, Al Greene, The Four Tops, Marvin Gaye and the like, and while it may not be classic music like the aformentioned, it's definitely refreshing to see the sound not die but resurface thanks to Cee-Lo Green. I was really expecting an album that, besides, Fuck You, would be forgettable, and while some songs aren't truly big hits, they all have their own taste and talent in them. This album is light, fun, and definitely not for everyone, but if you appreciate that old school sound, this is a great only complaint is that Cee-Lo opted for the less interesting mix of "No One's Gonna Love You" (A sweet Band of Horses cover, either way).

The Lady Killer is a nice sound off to the music industry that Cee-Lo Green can separate and flourish, all while bringing the nostalgia ten-fold.

Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon Two: The Legend Of Mr.Rager

Can you blame Kid Cudi if he didn't put out another smash hit album like his debut? The truth is that while I want to sooooo bad, I just can't, because this album is great in different ways.

MOTM2 is definitely a grower, that's straight up talk. First time I heard it, I thought that it was a bloated mess, one with far too few listenable songs, and far too many emotionally distressed whining from our Cudder buddy. That criticism applies still, just in a less harsh dosage. MOTM2 clocks in at over an hour, with 17 songs, and more than half of these being nothing like the jamming fun of "Make Her Say" or "Enter Galactic". The songs on MOTM2 resemble more of a somber, dreamy, and dark mood heard in "Solo Dolo" or "My World". Also, Cudi definitely shows his bigger interest in singing compared to the rhyming, as a good portion of the album is spent with him singing slowly in a "Pursuit of Happiness" style.

So, with all that against it, what in my shit eating mind makes me like this album?

Plenty. First, while the mood is darker and more dreamy, it very what the kids call "chill", and while I hate thinking of music in this way, it's definitely a great album to get stoned to. Relaxation is something the Cudder executes well, without needing Ratatat after all. Some songs are skippable, others are absolutely engrossing, like the wailingly cool "Don't Play This Song" featuring surprisingly lovely vocals from Mary J. Blige, or the beautiful beat structure and rolling badassery from Cudi on "Mojo So Dope". The big sore thumb on the album "Erase Me" is the biggest grower for me, going from a total piece of shitty shit shit to a mildly enjoyable track. Cudi bringing back the 80's on the chorus and the moody girl-chasing lyrics somehow works on a level that scares me, because I like it.

Man On The Moon 2 feels like when you walk around in a head cold (or stoned LOL 420 every day, BLAZE IT!), you're in a fog, everything feels weighty, but you don't really give a shit, because you're drowsy and dizzy. This album works on a different level compared to old Kid Cudi, it isn't easily listenable, it's meant for fans of hip-hop, music, and Cudi's way of doing things.

Man On The Moon 2: The Legend Of Mr.Rager is definitely an album that will leave people more split than Ke$ha's legs on any given night of the week...either way it seems I'm a fan of the new album...after many listens and a new found pleasure for relaxingly cool "stoner" music. Fuuuuuuck, just typing the word stoner makes my penis invert a little bit.

Strange, three albums from 3 interconnected artists in one month: Cee-Lo is on Cudi's new album, who is on Kanye's new album, who is also on Cudi's new album. It's like the six degrees of nigga bacon up in this trick! (relax, I'm black, I can say that) So, dislike my reviews? Think I'm a fuck-tard? Want nude pics? Leave comments plz!
-Matt Galey

Friday, November 12, 2010

Just Like Vinyl Review

About a year ago we all witnessed the fall of The Fall of Troy. Their album In The Unlikely Event was a huge disappointment to many long-time fans and months after the album was released the band broke up. At the time I was pretty sad. The Fall of Troy was one of the bands that really helped me broaden my horizons from shitty metal into post-hardcore and their first 3 albums are still some of my favorites. But I didn't really see the band recovering from ITUE, so it was probably the best thing for them to do. A few months ago I discovered that guitarist/vocalist Thomas Erak was already in the process of forming a new band, Just Like Vinyl. I was excited to hear what Thom had in store with his new band, but tweets from him explaining the bands' sound as "explosive guitar wild rock" left me very skeptical. Now that I've heard Just Like Vinyl's debut LP I can say that it is definitely better than The Fall of Troy's last album, but it still leaves much to be desired.

The first thing you will notice on this album is that Thom has pretty much kept the same sound that was introduced on In The Unlikely Event, but it is much more polished this time around. We'll start with Thom's obvious weak point, his vocals. Ever since Manipulator Thom has been really working on trying to be a more competent vocalist, but has usually ended up getting worse in the process. The vocals are pretty good for his standards, but are still hit and miss. The second track Cardiac Harassment opens up with the most laughable singing on the entire album, but tracks like Death of The Sheep and Kite showcase him at the top of his game. The track Epiphany also features prominent vocals from guitarist Jake Carden in which he and Erak trade off and harmonize in a classic pop-punk manner. Most of the vocals are singing, but the occasional screams are always well-placed. The Circulatory System starts as one of the poppiest songs on the album, but then explodes with a heavy riff and screaming midway through and perfectly transition back into a pop song. And the break in Kite where all the members scream after one another is one of the best moment on the entire album.

Now, what Thomas Erak is most well knows for, the guitars. Erak has really learned how to control his guitar playing and manages to not noodle much at all on the album. Instead of his spazzy playing that made him famous we are presented with a more straightforward rock style of playing with a bit of Erak edge. No Friend of Mine is a definite highlight with it's interesting lead riff in the beginning and impressive guitar solos during the bridge. Death of The Sheep also has some of the more impressive guitars with great harmonizing lead lines being played throughout the song and another great guitar solo to top it off. The rhythm section takse a back seat to the guitar and vocals most of the time, but are far from boring. The drummer Jay Beaman's beats are nothing too fancy, but he throws in enough fills to keep it interesting and bassist Henry Batts has some great lines that really shine in the poppier sections of songs like The Circulatory System and Kite. The instrumentation overall is wonderful and I expect nothing less from Erak.

So as you can see I don't have much of a problem with the music on this album. It is executed well and is fun to listen to, but my problem with the album isn't really what's on the album. It's what's not on it. Yeah, Erak corrected his large misstep with In The Unlikely Event, but there isn't really anything new on this album. The lack of experimentation really keeps it from being more than a pretty good album. It's exactly what I would expect from Erak and I mean that in a bad way.

The lack of experimentation isn't excusable, but it is understandable. Erak had been in a band with the same 2 guys since high school, so playing without them can be seen as experimentation in itself. Hopefully once Erak gets more settled in with his new band they can make a truly great album, because I know they are capable of it. This album signifies hope for fans of The Fall of Troy and Thomas Erak. In The Unlikely Event crushed our hopes, but Just Like Vinyl brings a tiny glimmer of it back.

Rating: 7.6/10

One last thing. What's up with this picture? Seriously, Thom looks like fucking Alex from a clockwork orange. This look needs to go.

-Tynan Evans

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Meet Paul!

Hello and greetings, fellow 'netters!* My name is Paul "Sex Champ" Fuckgod, and I am here to introduce myself to all two of you who read this blog regularly. First off, thanks for reading! I was almost positive blogging was dead, but I assure you, the blog industry is booming! It is multi-trillion dollar market thanks to handsome readers like you. Second, you're probably wondering how I came upon such a prestigious position. Well I walked into the corporate offices of It's A Pizza Party International, and demanded to speak to their CEO. After some heavy paperwork and quite a few tug-jobs, I was in! Those silly bureaucratic horndogs are so easy to manipulate.

(PROTIP: Get a blog while there are still openings, 'netters! The internet is filling up fast!)

Well that about sums up how I came to be here, dudes and dudettes. Much love to Matt and Tynan, as well as our good pals from Throne Gone Down to inspire me to write for this blog, as opposed to a school newspaper. I will most likely be doing game and pizza reviews, possibly an occasional album review if I'm feeling foolhardy. I look forward to being hate-fucked by the internet community, as well as by you, the reader!

Stay steezy, y'all. --Paul

*('netter is short for internetter, or user of the internet, for those of you not up-to-date with the slang of the world wide web)