Show-Off: A Guide To Mix Tape Making

Sorry for the generic stock image, couldn't think of anything cool for the title image. FARTS.


Nowadays with all our iPods, Zunes, and other piece of shit 3rd party MP3 players it can be kinda hard to give people mixtapes with out them being novelty, selfish, and useless, so I figured, seeing as how so many people read my articles and whatnot, that I would give some tips to any of you out there making CD's for your "homies" or as P.O.S. would say "got your world flipped, got you makin' mix-tapes for girls."

A Mix-Tape is usually a CD made for a friend, girl-friend, or any fuckface, by you, containing songs you like, and think that person will like, with the key words being "think that person will like".

--First big thing I'll reference a lot is to remember the person you're making this thing for. Before you even think of song choice and whatnot, does the person have a CD player in their car? Do they only jam CDs? Or do they always plug the iPod in? In that case you might opt for a Data disc over a regular CD burn mix. Also, a data disc contains 700 fucking megabytes for you to place music on, and will allow them to transfer the files over to the iPod more efficiently. That's 90-100 tracks instead of a pussy 20 or so. I usually go with the data disc option, but that's just me.

--Now after you've decided how you want the recievee of this shitty mixtape listening to it, you gotta decide how you want this mix to be built.

A: Multiple artists, in an order that makes each track meld creatively and sound well based on genre, tempo, tone, etc.

B: Very few artists, based more on giving hole albums, no higher order, just the jams.

C: A well planned, tight-knit mix heavily reliant on showcasing many genres in as few tracks as possible.

D: Some other weird-bullshit way I don't care to think of.

--With that said, I come back to knowing your audience in a way. Know who you're giving this CD to. If it's for a guy that likes hardcore and death metal, don't fucking give him Kid Cudi, or he'll shove his foot so far up your ass your butthole will be tickled by the nylon on his bro shorts. Basically, stick to what you know they like.

--In the case you don't really have much in the way of their genre, give them stuff that's as close as what you got in that style. She likes hip-hop but you don't have any of that shit, then give her some shit off the new Portugal. The Man album, because it has hip-hop-inspired beats but more alternative style.

--The trick with a good mix tape is to expand the minds of the person receiving it, seeing as how you're the indie-as-fuck douchebag that listens to everything, you should get them into new shit, it's your duty to prove that you're more useful than the snooty-moccasin-wearing-ass-hole you seem to be.

--Show them things that they might like, remember, it's not a CD for you. You know for a fact they HATE Minus the Bear, DON'T GIVE THEM ANY MINUS THE FUCKING BEAR, even if it's a B-Side you know they'll like "because, you know, they don't even know Minus the Bear." You'll never change a persons mind that easily.

--For instance, you know they hate Minus the Bear, but love hip-hop, then give them a remix of a Minus the Bear song that is done by a hip-hop artist. This might sound like simple shit, but you'd be surprised how many times I've made mistakes like this.

--If you love a certain genre, and the mixtape recievee doesn't, then find middle ground in the genres. It broadens minds while allowing yourself to express your hipster-fuckface taste.

--When arranging tracks in a thoughtful way for a regular 20 song mixtape, don't be a douche and put a slow acoustic song with a Blood Brothers track after it. That's poor mixtape making, as it will piss off the subconscious of a person, making them hate the song because they were in that acoustic mood.

--While I'm on the subject of slow acoustic songs, I would recommend not doing so if you know the person mainly listens to music in their car, because when people are in the car, they want something up-beat, fun, loud, and exciting, not a boring Iron and Wine track.

--Variety is also key in most cases, if it's a data disc, give them 2-4 tracks from each artist, leave the listener wanting more from that album, give them the best tracks, showcase your musical chops and give them enough variety to find something they like.

--Long tracks are hardly ever a good idea. Love that Godspeed You! Black Emperor track but it's 20 minutes long? Well fucking forget about it. It takes too much space, and most people aren't as patient as your "easy-going, chill, and thoughtful" soul you ass-face.

--Mixtapes are a good way to develop a relationship with the ladies, if you got the music to provide, and they have the open space on the old iPod, then you'll be getting down to business soon enough, if you got the right taste.

--Remember that data discs can be erased, returning customers to your elite music library should provide you with their disc so you can erase it and refill it. Don't be a sap and give a shit ton of discs to these dumb-fucks.

--For the most part, people love hearing remixes of their favorite songs, you say you know somebody that digs D.A.N.C.E. by Justice? Then give them the super cool remix by Mos Def and Spank Rock. Give them something vaguely familiar but completely new and exciting, like anal, but with your fist instead of your dick.

--This is almost more of common sense, but when you give them music, just fucking have good tags on the tracks, don't give them bullshit that they can't look up because they album title is where the artist name should be and all that stupid jazz.

And Most importantly, remember, unless they are paying you, the distribution of your goods and services is payed by them getting a taste of your love of music and self expression in elite-ness as far as knowing shit "they should know about" blah-blah-blah. It sounds selfish but it's the truth. Get over it you hipster-fuck.

I didn't know how to end this article, so here's another picture of Jonny Craig looking like an asshole douche...LIVE!

...Oh and as a side note, if you type "Jonny Craig Douche" in google images, my drawing of a guy eating pizza at the bottom of the blog pops up, huzzah! - Matt

A Mash-Up Album Guide

Let's just say that Mashup's have been around for a while. I'm not gonna pretend to be smarter than shit, I have "The History of Mashups" wikipedia article open in another tab right now, so you know. I don't know everything, but this article says that "mashing" has been around since recorded music started, makes sense I guess, there's some kind of indescribable rush outta hearing you're favorite m83 song mashed with Ludacris lyrics, so it would make sense some motherfuckers before us wanted to see how his favorite Waltz's would sound if crammed together. I decided to write a little guide if you'd be so kind, of my favorite mash-up albums.

Girl Talk - Feed The Animals

Let's start with the obvious king at the moment of the Mashup scene. Girl Talk (Gregg Gillis) has been releasing a steady stream of Mash-up albums under the Illegal Art Label since 2002, but just recently, Girl Talk has definitely come to the forefront of the genre with his newest release Feed The Animals. From first listening to the album, you'll instantly know that Mr.Gillis knows what he's doing. You get the feeling many pieces have been magnetized together to create the sound, or at least that's how I feel. The best thing I can say about this album is that it's probablythe ideal party album of all time, with everything for everybody.

Jaydiohead - Jay-Z x Radiohead

One of my current favorites is this lovely creature conceived using the sperm of Jay-z a capella tracks and the egg of Radiohead samples and instrumentals. It seems that Jaydiohead creator Max Tannone gets quite a bit of blowblack for his little monster, and it makes sense, Jay-z is one of hip-hop most prized sons, and Radiohead are the kings of alt rock everywhere. I don't mind a bit because I was never the biggest fan of either, but I love Jaydiohead. Some of the tracks are really well done, one of my favorites, "Change Order" using Jay's "Never Change" and Radiohead's "Gagging Order", it's a gorgeous song, one that I've actually used to open people's mind about Hip-hop, now that's something.

Easter Egg- Jackin' For Beats

Easter Egg is very similar in a way to Girl Talk, when it comes down to it, but fortunately, they are different enough to allow love for both. While Easter Egg isn't anywhere as big as Girl Talk is, he definitely holds his own. Jackin' For Beats is a beast of an album, 30 or so tracks of mash-up goodness, and with smart production, it's a great album for the parties, or anyone wanting to hear Ice-Cube, MGMT, and Grandmaster Flash, all on the same jammin' album. It's got the same amount of hard hitting staying power, except in quicker, easier to digest dosages, definitely worth a listen.

Team Teamwork - The Ocarina of Rhyme

Team Teamwork makes something very special, like dung beetles' turd balls. It takes a special person to see the amazing wonder in it. You got a cappellas from respected hip hop artists such as Clipse, Snoop Dogg, Common, and even MF Doom laid lovingly on top of gorgeous beat tracks composed of old school gaming songs and noises. You can hear "I Used to Love H.E.R." mashed with a beat using Zelda's Hyrule Market song. Magnifique! Now, if that doesn't sound so great, you need to hear it, because the 8-Bit goodness laden with bass and sprinkled with classic hip-hop swagga is something to truly behold.

E-603 - Torn Up

E-603 is similar to Easter Egg and Girl Talk in that he (Ethan Ward) mashes hip-hop vocal tracks with various songs from various artists, and boy does he do it just as good as both GT and Easter Egg. It's possibly my favorite Mashup album, partially because I found myself pushing my hand to my mouth hurriedly and murmur through my fingers, "Oh shit, that's fucking Float On...in a mash-up!" or "Fuck, he just used Math The Band...shiiiit!" over the course of it's 15 tracks. Any album that give you "Oh Fuck" moments definitely has some kind of charm to it. It's your favorite dance-mash, but with M83 and Aphex Twin in it, daumn.

Wu -Tang VS. The Beatles - Enter The Magical Mystery Chambers

Ever wondered how Wu Tang and The Beatles would sound together? Or are you just wondering it now? If you answered yes, then this is definitely worth your time. 27 tracks should either tell you lots of time was spent on this, or that this was (no pun intended) mashed together quickly as a gimmick, trust me, it's the former. These beats, in a way similar to The Grey Album aren't easily placeable, they aren't simply Beatles songs with more bass, it's a crafted entity. It's still the badass Wu Tang, but with fascinating beats placed undertow.

The Legion of Doom - Incorporated

Now, this album isn't totally my cup of tea, not on the part of the creators, Legion of Doom, but rather the songs they chose to mash, but this album simply makes it on my favorites out of pure interest in something so out-of-the-ordinary for a mash up album. Tracks by Underoath, Thrice, Norma Jean and others are crammed together, and they sound pretty cool, considering I kinda hate all three of those aforementioned artists. My favorite tracks are easily "Dangerous Business Since 1979" for its use of mewithoutYou and "Devil In A Blue Dress" for its use of Coheed & Cambria, respectively. It's definitely a horse of a different colour, and something a more open minded person in the harder genres (TYNAN) should enjoy. -Matt Galey

Respectably Honorable Mentions:

Danger Mouse - The Grey Album

The Kleptones - Yoshimi Battles The Hip-Hop Robots

The Kleptones - Uptime/Downtime

The Very Best - Esau Mwamwaya and Radioclit are the Very Best

Xaphoon Jones - The Xaphoon Jones Mixtape Volume 1.

Squincy Jones - Nintendub

And as a final treat, one of my fellow bloggers here, Tynan has a mash up of his own, check it out: