Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Show-Off: A Guide To Mix Tape Making

Sorry for the generic stock image, couldn't think of anything cool for the title image. FARTS.

Nowadays with all our iPods, Zunes, and other piece of shit 3rd party MP3 players it can be kinda hard to give people mixtapes with out them being novelty, selfish, and useless, so I figured, seeing as how so many people read my articles and whatnot, that I would give some tips to any of you out there making CD's for your "homies" or as P.O.S. would say "got your world flipped, got you makin' mix-tapes for girls."

A Mix-Tape is usually a CD made for a friend, girl-friend, or any fuckface, by you, containing songs you like, and think that person will like, with the key words being "think that person will like".

--First big thing I'll reference a lot is to remember the person you're making this thing for. Before you even think of song choice and whatnot, does the person have a CD player in their car? Do they only jam CDs? Or do they always plug the iPod in? In that case you might opt for a Data disc over a regular CD burn mix. Also, a data disc contains 700 fucking megabytes for you to place music on, and will allow them to transfer the files over to the iPod more efficiently. That's 90-100 tracks instead of a pussy 20 or so. I usually go with the data disc option, but that's just me.

--Now after you've decided how you want the recievee of this shitty mixtape listening to it, you gotta decide how you want this mix to be built.

A: Multiple artists, in an order that makes each track meld creatively and sound well based on genre, tempo, tone, etc.

B: Very few artists, based more on giving hole albums, no higher order, just the jams.

C: A well planned, tight-knit mix heavily reliant on showcasing many genres in as few tracks as possible.

D: Some other weird-bullshit way I don't care to think of.

--With that said, I come back to knowing your audience in a way. Know who you're giving this CD to. If it's for a guy that likes hardcore and death metal, don't fucking give him Kid Cudi, or he'll shove his foot so far up your ass your butthole will be tickled by the nylon on his bro shorts. Basically, stick to what you know they like.

--In the case you don't really have much in the way of their genre, give them stuff that's as close as what you got in that style. She likes hip-hop but you don't have any of that shit, then give her some shit off the new Portugal. The Man album, because it has hip-hop-inspired beats but more alternative style.

--The trick with a good mix tape is to expand the minds of the person receiving it, seeing as how you're the indie-as-fuck douchebag that listens to everything, you should get them into new shit, it's your duty to prove that you're more useful than the snooty-moccasin-wearing-ass-hole you seem to be.

--Show them things that they might like, remember, it's not a CD for you. You know for a fact they HATE Minus the Bear, DON'T GIVE THEM ANY MINUS THE FUCKING BEAR, even if it's a B-Side you know they'll like "because, you know, they don't even know Minus the Bear." You'll never change a persons mind that easily.

--For instance, you know they hate Minus the Bear, but love hip-hop, then give them a remix of a Minus the Bear song that is done by a hip-hop artist. This might sound like simple shit, but you'd be surprised how many times I've made mistakes like this.

--If you love a certain genre, and the mixtape recievee doesn't, then find middle ground in the genres. It broadens minds while allowing yourself to express your hipster-fuckface taste.

--When arranging tracks in a thoughtful way for a regular 20 song mixtape, don't be a douche and put a slow acoustic song with a Blood Brothers track after it. That's poor mixtape making, as it will piss off the subconscious of a person, making them hate the song because they were in that acoustic mood.

--While I'm on the subject of slow acoustic songs, I would recommend not doing so if you know the person mainly listens to music in their car, because when people are in the car, they want something up-beat, fun, loud, and exciting, not a boring Iron and Wine track.

--Variety is also key in most cases, if it's a data disc, give them 2-4 tracks from each artist, leave the listener wanting more from that album, give them the best tracks, showcase your musical chops and give them enough variety to find something they like.

--Long tracks are hardly ever a good idea. Love that Godspeed You! Black Emperor track but it's 20 minutes long? Well fucking forget about it. It takes too much space, and most people aren't as patient as your "easy-going, chill, and thoughtful" soul you ass-face.

--Mixtapes are a good way to develop a relationship with the ladies, if you got the music to provide, and they have the open space on the old iPod, then you'll be getting down to business soon enough, if you got the right taste.

--Remember that data discs can be erased, returning customers to your elite music library should provide you with their disc so you can erase it and refill it. Don't be a sap and give a shit ton of discs to these dumb-fucks.

--For the most part, people love hearing remixes of their favorite songs, you say you know somebody that digs D.A.N.C.E. by Justice? Then give them the super cool remix by Mos Def and Spank Rock. Give them something vaguely familiar but completely new and exciting, like anal, but with your fist instead of your dick.

--This is almost more of common sense, but when you give them music, just fucking have good tags on the tracks, don't give them bullshit that they can't look up because they album title is where the artist name should be and all that stupid jazz.

And Most importantly, remember, unless they are paying you, the distribution of your goods and services is payed by them getting a taste of your love of music and self expression in elite-ness as far as knowing shit "they should know about" blah-blah-blah. It sounds selfish but it's the truth. Get over it you hipster-fuck.

I didn't know how to end this article, so here's another picture of Jonny Craig looking like an asshole douche...LIVE!

...Oh and as a side note, if you type "Jonny Craig Douche" in google images, my drawing of a guy eating pizza at the bottom of the blog pops up, huzzah! - Matt


  1. not bad. i haven't made a mix for anyone in years. i used to in high school all the time to expose people to new music...and they fucking worked.

    nice choice with jonny craig too. the craig article is by far our most read so we need to exploit him as much as possible.

  2. I've givin 3 people mix tapes of minus the bear... and all of em liked it sooo uuhhhhhhh!!!!